Madeleine McCann was abducted. How was she abducted? She just was! Says who? Her parents have been saying this from the moment that Kate McCann allegedly returned from the Tapas Bar at 10pm on Thursday, May 3rd 2007, on 'one of my checks,' though it was her only check, to find that Madeleine's bed was empty and the child had disappeared into thin air. Kate McCann knew immediately that Madeleine had been 'taken.' Why? Well, that has never been fully explained. The information was initially covered by the Portuguese law of judicial secrecy, but since the case was archived and the files made public, Kate McCann has not sought to enlighten us about how she just knew immediately.
In certain quarters, those of us who say, 'Well where is the evidence that a stranger took Madeleine?' are being labelled as 'pitchforkers.' So, what kind of creature is a 'pitchforker.'?
In my quest to discover whether or not I may be a 'pitchforker,' I looked to Google for definitions. A simple search brought back nothing. So, I interrogated the Urban Dictionary and found that 'pitchforker,' had not as yet been defined.
I must admit to not spending hours searching for a definition, but I probably did more research than Gerry McCann, who is a funded researcher: on his expedition into the nether regions of Google to prove Eddie and Keela (dem doggies) unreliable, Gerry came up with a sample of one, the Zapata case, where, unfortunately the perp confessed. Who funds someone who comes up with a sample of one to prove a hypothesis?
When the end of my research resulted in zero, zilch, and coincided with the end of my toast and giving the butter-coated crusts to the cat, I took the easy route and decided that a 'pitchforker,' was probably someone who used a pitchfork.
Who might use a pitchfork and why might I be a 'pitchforker' because I'd like to have the answers to certain questions? The image that comes to the minds of many people will be the happy peasant, labouring in the sunshine, forking hay onto a cart, reminiscent of a Turner painting. He's a simple chappie, happy to sweat in the field, sitting at noon against a hay bale, eating his cheese and chunky bread. He goes to the village pub at set of sun and slurps his ale from a large tankard. He's simple, but he's happy. Ah bless!
So, I'm left to surmise that we are 'pitchforkers,' because those people in certain quarters think we are as simple-minded as the happy peasant in the field, because those folks aren't actually defining 'pitchforker,' either. 'Hey, what makes you so sure that Madeleine was abducted?' 'She just was, not shut the f*ck up, pitchforker!'
Returning to the bucolic scene and the happy chappie, toiling in the sunshine, let's explore what said chappie does as he looks forward to his jug of ale once his simple toil is over as the sun sets. Can you see him, his skin leathery from living the outdoor life, pitchforking (to pitchfork: verb tr.) the hay over his broad shoulders onto the cart, which the sturdy horse will pull to the barn, where the hay will be stored for feeding the cattle through the winter.
The barn is the storehouse of the harvest from the earth, that grew through the spring and summer, was gathered and stored safely, making sure that it wasn't baled when green: heat can build up and burn the bales and the barn. It has to be properly processed, stacked and stored. And all this is achieved by the simple, bum-scratching peasant 'pitchforker.'
So, where, you might ask, is the evidence that I must be a 'pitchforker'?
I gather information. Sometimes, like the grass in the field, that information looks rather green, not ready for harvesting. So, I watch and wait for the light of further information to bring it to maturity and I store it. I organise it and stack it chronologically, with due credits and references, so that we know which 'field,' it came from. Like the hay barn that is left open, to allow air to circulate, my gathered information is here, open for anyone to read and I am always willing to amend what is written if the fresh air of new information blows through.
I consider that I am not the sole or anything like the best 'pitchforker,' with a 'barn,' full of stored information, ready for when it is needed. I have read this morning that one very diligent 'pitchforker,' has gathered all the available articles on the Madeleine McCann case and stored them chronologically: over 35,000 articles.
So, I shall carry on pitchforking happily, trying to bring the light of truth to the information available, and I think some of those, 'she just was, so shut the f*ck up,' people, should try a little forking (transitive verb - takes a direct object) themselves. Yes, they should just go and fork their direct objects!