We'll have a hoedown an' a hootenanny cos Maddie's in the USA!

......................................
.....................................
No, folks, she's not in Dubai with this man....


.......and she's not in a 'hellish lair' within 10 miles of Praia da Luz, where Dave Edgar, super-sleuth employed by Kate and Gerry McCann told the Belfast Telegraph:

“Maddie is most likely being held captive, possibly in an underground cellar, just like Natascha or Elisabeth, and could emerge at any time,” he told us.

And on 14th December 2007, when Metodo3 gave themselves just 11 days to have Maddie home for Christmas, it was lucky we didn't organise a welcoming committee, even though Mr Head Super Sleuth was so sure:

The director general of Metodo 3, the private detective firm hired by the McCanns, confidently predicted Madeleine would be rescued from her kidnappers in North Africa or the Iberian Peninsula.

Despite not knowing exactly where Madeleine is being held, Mr Marco proclaimed to a Spanish newspaper that he was certain which group of paedophiles had taken her and he was gathering proof so police could arrest them.

Madeleine McCann was handed over to a millionaire Australian in Barcelona, she was kidnapped to order by a Belgian paedo ring, she was seen in a Belgian city, accompanied by a woman wearing a Muslim robe, she was seen by a great many witnesses in Morocco, she was alive and well and attending a school in the USA.....hold on! She is in the USA. How do we know? Well, it's in The Sun, so it's got to be true. An 'amateur sleuth,' knows who took her! Here you go!

Woops! Wrong one! He's dead! And I don't think he was ever in the USA!

So, this is it, folks! Sure, Madeleine has been seen on all five continents, sometimes on the same day, but this is it now. This man definitely knows who took Madeleine and at the risk of his own life, he has finally been 'brave,' enough to tell the cops! Only took him nearly four years and he may even be in time to get the details squeezed into that book Kate's writing.

AN INVESTIGATOR has told cops Madeleine McCann was taken to the US - and he has named two key suspects.
Marcelino Italiano, 36, said she had been snatched by an Algarve-based paedophile ring. The amateur sleuth added: "They can get away with anything."

Would The Sun tell us fibs? Do you reckon they think they can get away with anything at The Sun, as long as it has 'Madeleine McCann,' in the super-sized headline? Well, I the Queen of Sheba, believe every word.

Claims ... what Italiano says
Italiano, 36, said the ring was based in Faro and Albufeira, but had high-level contacts in Portugal's judiciary and links to a legal practice in London.

The judiciary? I bet it's that judge who unbanned Amaral's book. Cunning, eh? Bet he eats sardines during his two hour boozy lunches! (The Mirror told us about those sardine-munching cops!)

Links to a legal practice in London? Come on down Carter-Ruck! You've been rumbled!

So, let's have a hoedown an' a hootenanny, folks, cos Maddie is definitely in the USA! (Unless those cunning Portuguese paedos are fooling us and she's really unharmed in that 'hellish lair.')

Sorry folks, I just can't be @rsed to post any more of that shoite published by The Sun. You'll just have to read it for yourself. I'm going to do something much more useful with my time. Think I'll go poke a mad dog with a long stick! I'll probably get a lot more sense out of it!