Madeleine McCann is being held in a "hellish lair," but she has not come to any harm!

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Above: Arthur Cowley and Dave Edgar, private detectives working for Kate and Gerry McCann.

Years ago, when I was living in a town up north, I had a neighbour whose three children were all under five years old. The neighbour had a habit of leaving the children on their own and taking the bus from Chorlton-cum-Hardy into the centre of Manchester to go shopping. Anyone who knows Manchester will know that this is a 20 minute bus ride.

My neighbour used to be gone for at least two hours and I would wonder how long it would take for the crying to start. It was really quite heart-rending, listening to those children. So, after the second or third time of hearing the plaintive sobbing, I phoned social services. I was quite shocked, actually by what I was told: under the 1932 Children and Young Persons Act, there is no minimum age at which small children can be legally left alone. However, and this is a very important point, particularly for the McCanns, if children are left alone and significant harm comes to them, the parents can be prosecuted for neglect.

Now, the reason I mention this is that Gerry McCann is still repeating that mantra, in connection with his daughter Madeleine's disappearance. According to Gerry McCann, Madeleine was abducted, but there is no evidence that she has come to harm.

From the latest bla bla on Gerry's Blog

"The court case has demonstrated, once again, that there is no evidence that Madeleine has come to any harm."

So, I'm going to have a wee shufftie back over some of the ideas Gerry has put forward about Madeleine's abduction and specifically here what kind of person may have been the culprit. For the moment, I am going to ignore: shutter jemmied/shutter intact; window open/open window and raised shutters not noticed by Matthew Oldfield who walked past them and didn't notice; only Kate McCann's fingerprints on the window; no sign of intrusion into the apartment. I'm just going to consider this hypothetical abductor, who has not harmed Madeleine.

On May 14th 2007, Gerry McCann was quoted as saying:

"Until there is concrete evidence to the contrary, we believe Madeleine is safe and is being looked after". (The McCann Files )

At this point, we are led to believe that Gerry is sure that Madeleine has been abducted by a kind person, who is looking after her. Robert Murat is being investigated as a suspect in the case and I would say it seems odd that a person so local to the McCanns' apartment would abduct a child, hide her, and have no motive but to look after her. Ah well!

In the Vanity Fair interview which appeared in January 2008, Kate McCann explained the reason why she had appeared to be lacking in emotion in her early interviews.

"But Kate wasn’t buoyed. From time to time, she would turn to friends and offer a wistful half-plea—“I hope whoever has Madeleine is giving her blankets … is feeding her properly … is keeping her warm.” Not really absorbing at first, her confidant explains, “what kind of person this was.”

Eventually, though, the probable nature of the abductor was brought home to her in the most explicit and horrifying way. Never talk about Madeleine’s preferences to the press, British police warned the McCanns, because whatever Madeleine most loves—a favorite cartoon, say—could be used as a tool for manipulation by her kidnapper.

Madeleine’s mother was also warned not to weep in public. “That was one of the things they were told right from the beginning,” McGuinness reveals. “Don’t show any emotion, because whoever took the child could get off on that, and take it out on the child."

So, since Kate claims to have acted on this advice, are we to assume that she accepted this, that whoever had her daughter was liable to gain some perverted pleasure from hurting her? Nearly three years on, Gerry and Kate are still repeating the "no harm," mantra, when even soon after Madeleine's disappearance, they believed she could be with someone who was so unstable that he/she could gain from hurting her?

Since then, we have been through the remote villages of Morocco, where Madeleine was spotted, as well as diverse places on all five continents. More recently, the latest bunch of dodgy detectives, Edgar and Cowley, have had their sights on Raymond Hewlett, a very ill convicted paedophile, who was thought to have been in the Algarve when Madeleine disappeared. These ex-police officers, insisted that they wanted to interview Hewlett in order to clear him from their investigation, a fact reiterated by Clarence Mitchell. Did Gerry and Kate, on hearing this, think that Hewlett had looked after Madeleine, adopted her as his own, or perhaps been a very kind paedophile, who had not harmed Madeleine?

The latest gem from Dave Edgar, is that he believes that Madeleine is alive and being held in a "hellish lair," in one of the, "lawless villages," within a 10 mile radius of Praia da Luz. Now, you'd think that if Kate and Gerry did not lend any credibility to this they would have sacked their hired help, but this does not appear to be the case. So, do they think this theory has any validity? Madeleine is being held in a "hellish lair," and at the same time, she has not come to any harm?

Whatever Kate and Gerry McCann would have us believe has happened to their daughter, in terms of the identity and character of the alleged abductor, one thing, I feel, is pretty obvious, that is that a child who was abducted by a stranger, taken from her bed in an apartment in a foreign country, has been harmed simply by that act. Do the McCanns really believe that their child could have been removed from her bed, taken God knows where by a stranger, held against her will away from her family, and she had not been harmed? A child abducted by a stranger has not been harmed?

I find myself shaking my head in disbelief when I read that or hear that. How could any parent believe such utter tosh! And yet, last year in their Christmas appeal, the McCanns told the world of the "spare place," at their festive dinner table and pleaded for help to fill it, to help bring Madeleine home. Did they truly believe that a child who had been abducted, who had been kept from her family for nearly three years, would join the happy family round the table as though she had just walked out the door? That she wouldn't be so traumatised from all she had been through that she would simply merrily join a family she would hardly recognise any more?

Sometimes I think the McCanns actually believe the rubbish they come out with! But then the more cycnical side of me takes over. Why would the McCanns have to keep chanting the "no evidence that Madeleine has come to any harm," mantra? They're two sandwiches short of a picnic? That may be so, but they're obviously not unintelligent. So, what could be the reason? I go back to what the social worker in Manchester told me: if small children are left alone and significant harm comes to them, the parents can be charged with neglect. So, there we have it, I think, folks! No harm has come to Madeleine, so her parents cannot be charged with neglect, can they?

Madeleine McCann may be alive and living in a lawless village in the Algarve.....

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(The McCanns on the sad occasion of Maddie's birthday, soon after she disappeared in 2007.)

................and on the one thousandth day after her disappearance, her parents are busy planning for a star-studded bash to, ummm...errrr...raise more money for the search.

Now, I'm not going to go back through all that, "what search," stuff. We all know that Kate McCann did not physically search for her daughter, while local residents of Praia da Luz took a week off work to search the area.

At least a couple of million quid has gone through the Find Madeleine Fund, but what do the McCanns have to show for it?

They hired Metodo 3, the Spanish detective agency, who claimed to know where Madeleine was, who was holding her and that she'd be home by Christmas, 2008.

Then there was Oakley International, the big boss man of which, Halligen, is to appear in court on the same day as the McCanns, sadly, we are told by Clarence Mitchell, put themselves through an event at the Kensington Roof Garden restaurant, to which a number of wealthy celebs have been invited. Oh how those poor parents are suffering!

And now, we have the intrepid duo of ex-police officers, Edgar and Cowley, the twosome, who from their office in Knutsford, Cheshire, released the breaking news that two years previously a man on holiday in Barcelona had spoken to a very suspicious Victoria Beckham looky-likey, who asked if he had come to deliver her daughter. (Psssst Mr Edgar! Daughter=quarter! Quarter of an ounce!)

On Sunday September 13th 2009, The Belfast Telegraph reported Dave Edgar's latest breakthrough: "Maddie is imprisoned in a hellish lair – just like kidnapped sex slave Jaycee Lee Dugard."

"He insisted the “back from the dead” reappearance of Jaycee – and the cases of Austrian cellar girls Elisabeth Fritzl and Natascha Kampusch – confirmed his suspicion."

Now, I must admit to the above having given me something in the way of false hope. You see, working with Dave Edgar's logic, the fact that every week somebody won the lottery, confirmed my suspicions that I was going to be next. Only I haven't been. Strange logic though. The fact that out of the thousands and thousands of children who go missing around the world, a few turn up, confirms Mr Edgar's suspicions that Maddie is alive and living in a "hellish lair."? No, I don't think I can suspend rational deductive thought quite that much.

"And despite fresh leads taking his probe to Australia and Barcelona, the east Belfast man insists the golden-haired youngster is being held just 10 miles from where she was snatched in Praia da Luz two years ago."

"But he warned that the sprawling wilderness where he believes Maddie is languishing is almost impossible to search completely."

Dave, a word of advice, you have to actually leave your office in Knutsford to prove the above. I'd say those places were totally impossible to search from your office in Cheshire!

"We spent the day at the Cheshire office he uses to conduct the world’s biggest missing person case."

“Maddie is most likely being held captive, possibly in an underground cellar, just like Natascha or Elisabeth, and could emerge at any time,” he told us."

"Days later, news broke that tormented Jaycee had been freed from the foul compound where she was abused for 18 years by monster Phillip Garrido. Dave simply said: “This just supports my theory that Maddie is alive and imprisoned.”

How Dave? How does one young person turning up after 18 years prove your theory? You were an RUC cop? Desk job was it?

And who is keeping Madeleine captive? It's the Lone Prowler!

"He feels this is the lone prowler who has Maddie stashed in a cellar or dungeon in the lawless villages around Praia da Luz."

"Former detective inspector Dave Edgar, who is leading the hunt, made a secret visit to Praia da Luz at the beginning of last week."

Well, that was in September 2008 and what has Dave Edgar been doing about his conviction that Maddie is being held by the Lone Prowler, who in all likelihood is a paedophile, in a "lawless village." ? Well, not very much, it seems, because it took him until the beginning of last week to make....shhhhh.....a secret trip to Praia da Luz!

According to Sunday's Daily Star:

MISSING Madeleine McCann could be still alive and just a few miles from the Portuguese resort where she vanished in 2007, investigators believe.

"On his return, he said it was a “very distinct possibility” that Maddie could be living in a poor country district inland from the holiday area."

Did you actually investigate those areas, Dave? Tell me, what exactly is it that makes you think that Maddie could be living in one of those areas?

"A source told the Daily Star Sunday: “The areas that Dave’s team have focused on are very rural. There are no tourists around there at all. He believes Madeleine could be held in such an area.”

Dave's team? What team? Dave and his sidekick Cowley? Or have they enlisted a few more people? Ah, right! So, there are no tourists around there, so that confirms the suspicions? Well, there are no tourists around where I live either. So, maybe on his way back to leafy Knutsford, Dave should have come here and searched my jungle of a garden. I've got some pretty lawless squirrels out there! I've got no dogs, though, so Kate and Gerry could come and help! No need to worry about my cats. Like Kate and Gerry, my cats always try very hard to cover up their own shoite!

"Mr Edgar is convinced she was kidnapped and his team are still receiving a “substantial number” of calls and e-mails containing new information."

Why is Mr Edgar convinced that Maddie was kidnapped? It has been fairly well established that there was no evidence to suggest that an abductor had been in the McCanns' holiday apartment, but Mr Edgar is convinced? Why? Because he wouldn't have such a cushy number, sitting in his office in Knutsford if he weren't?

A "substantial number," of calls? Hang about! Didn't Gerry McCann say, outside the court in Lisbon, that there were no new leads. Now, Knutsford may be rather further from Rothley than eating in Gerry's back garden, but there's always that new-fangled device the telephone or even email. So, give the dog a phone, Dave. Woops! Did I mention "dog."? Silly me!

What else does the dastardly and dogged (Woops! Don't mention dogs!) Dave have to say?

"And we can reveal that some British holidaymakers who were also staying at the Mark Warner Ocean Club have not co-operated with the investigation."

Image courtesy of Himself of The McCann Gallery

True! Fiona Payne, David Payne, Jane Tanner, Russell O'Brien, Matthew Oldfield, Rachael Oldfield and Diane Webster. And let's not forget those 48 questions that Kate McCann refused to answer.

And here comes Clarrie!

"Clarence Mitchell, spokesman for Kate and Gerry, said the probe would continue until Madeleine is found. The family hope that a star-studded fund-raising dinner on Wednesday will help boost diminishing funds."

So, while Maddie is thought to be prisoner in a "hellish lair," a few miles from Praia da Luz, her parents are putting on what to many of us would look like a celebration. No quiet night at home to sadly contemplate 1,000 days without their elder daughter, no silent candle-lit vigil, no, the McCanns are throwing a party!

"And 1,000 lanterns will be released into the sky from 20 venues across Britain and Portugal."

Not sure how that will help find Maddie, but it might just pose a danger to air traffic.

"Mr Mitchell said: “It’s a painful date for Kate and Gerry. But they remain as determined as ever.”

So, they will spend this "painful date," getting themselves dolled up to wine and dine with a bunch of celebs? I'm sure they'll manage to put their brave faces on!

And the McCanns "remain as determined as ever."? To do what? Throw money at dodgy detectives who have no previous experience of finding missing children? Persuade the world and his dog (Oh dear, there's that dog again!) that, in spite of evidence to the contrary, Maddie was abducted from the unlocked apartment where she was left, which was checked so regularly that only a tiny window of opportunity existed for abduction? And speaking of windows, only Kate McCann's fingerprints were found on the important window that a leading police officer said would be impossible to climb through, carrying a child? (Yes, I know! Kate McCann has now changed her mind about that window! The kidnapper may have opened it to throw them off the scent! I don't mean the dogs, off the scent, I mean, you know, the McCanns, off the scent!)

Good timing, though, resurrecting this story about Maddie's being held in a "hellish lair," a few miles from Praia da Luz, what with the second part of the court case coming up in Lisbon very soon, and the McCanns holding their £150 a ticket bash for the celebs at the Roof Garden restaurant. The menu looks good at that place and should be! At those prices, it's what my dad used to say, "They're no feart the coos git it, then!" Still, at those prices, I'd be taking the leftovers home. No fear! I'd want a doggie bag! Woof! Woof!

Sunday Express: "Madeleine Exclusive: All Three Children Drugged."

Sunday Express 11/10/09

Now, reading that headline, you'd think that some kind of official report had reached this conclusion. Not so. This is the latest theory put forward by the McCanns' private investigators, Dave Edgar and Arthur Cowley. Last I heard the intrepid two were investigating the "lawless villages," around Praia da Luz where the "lone prowler," was reckoned to be hanging out with Madeleine in a, "secret lair."

According to today's Sunday Express, the tireless twosome, who didn't actually check out the Barcelona sighting of the Victoria Beckham looky-likey before they announced their breakthrough to the world, are working on a new theory. I guess they could eventually come up with some kind of contorted version that might explain the evidence or lack of evidence of an abduction.

By James Murray

" The kidnapper of Madeleine McCann drugged her and her twin brother and sister so they would all be quiet while she was snatched.

A duplicate key may also have been used to gain entrance to the holiday apartment where the children were sleeping, say investigators."

Yes, this looks like some kind of official report and some people are going to think that investigators means police rather than a couple of PIs sitting in a house in Knutsford, Cheshire.

How to make the theory fit the established facts. There was no evidence of a break-in. So, a duplicate key must have been used.

"It means the monster is still a threat to children living or holidaying on Portugal’s Algarve and must be caught urgently as he is highly likely to reoffend."

Urgently? It's been two years and five months already!

"They are convinced the ­abductor went to the family’s apartment on May 3 2007 fully prepared with sufficient drugs, probably ­chloroform, to knock out all three children.

The fact that Sean and Amelie, then just 18 months old, failed to wake when the alarm was raised, nor even as they were taken to another apartment in the cold night air, has persuaded the detectives that they, too, must have been drugged."

Probably chloroform? Style gurus Trinny and Susannah were drugged with chloroform in their apartment in Cannes while on an assignment. As reported by the Daily Mail:

"Another friend of Miss Constantine, who is married to Danish businessman Sten Bertelsen, said of the attack: 'They woke up one morning and their hands felt sticky, there was a funny smell in the room and they both felt hungover."

The following morning in that case, there was a funny smell and the women felt hungover, yet just immediately after Madeleine's disappearance, neither the police nor any witness who entered the McCanns' holiday apartment, mentioned a funny smell. Also, the twins were fit to be placed in the creche the following day as usual.

We do have what might be an indication of the twins having been drugged in Fiona Payne's statement to the police about the evening of May 3rd:

"Asked if the twins had not woken up at all, Fiona said no, adding that Kate kept on going to the twins, placing her hands on them to check if they were still breathing, because she seemed to be much more interested in making sure they were alright."

So, why would Kate be so concerned about whether the twins were still breathing? Looks like even then she was worried about the effect of something, perhaps drugs. However, if someone, especially a qualified doctor were to suspect that a stranger might have drugged her children, wouldn't she be likely to keep those children under surveillance for a while and to request testing? Kate McCann did neither.

"Had the twins been tested for drugs immediately, any ­medication used could have been established, making it easier to identify the kidnapper, but vital time was lost."

Dave, I think you'll find that the McCanns refused to have the twins tested. So, vital time was lost by whom? You make it sound like the police were responsible for this lost time by making this vague statement. And if the twins had been tested and the presence of drugs to make them sleep had been found, how useful would that have been? There would still be no witnesses other than Jane Tanner. There would still be no vehicle sighting. So, what might it have revealed? For me, all it would have revealed would have been the nature of the drug, which may, yes, have led to some serious questions being asked at the time.

"Even now, however, experts say there may be forensic clues on clothing or bedding which could yield a breakthrough."

Experts? Another vague statement. What experts? And if those forensic clues are still there on clothing and bedding two years and five months later, wouldn't there have been a significant smell of chloroform at the time? Yet, no one mentioned it.

"The Sunday Express can further reveal that the McCanns’ private detectives are working on a solid theory about exactly how Madeleine was abducted."

Wowee! The Sunday Express can reveal!! What the pretendy cops are thinking now is a revelation? They think that the abductor had done a "dummy run," the night before, and decided to come back with suitable drugs because Sean woke up and woke Madeleine. Well, that's another part of the story explained. I think we're heading for something like the elusive "Theory of everything," in physics.

"Mr Edgar and Mr Cowley do not believe Madeleine was taken through an open window as it would have been awkward, time consuming and there were no forensic clues left behind."

Right! So, why did this abductor open the window? He tried the window, even though he had a duplicate key, but found it too awkward? And why did Kate and Gerry tell all the friends and relies that the shutters had been jemmied and the window left open? What about that cold draft Kate felt as she opened the door and observed those fluttering curtains? I guess you'll come up with an additional element to your theory to cover that! Just to pre-empt the obvious one, Dave, if the window had been opened to disperse the smell of chloroform, then since the breeze was blowing into the apartment, and was strong enough to blow the door closed, it would have been dispersing the smell through the rest of the apartment and surely Kate would have detected it as she approached the bedroom door? Did she mention this? Nope!

OK, Dave, does the Smith sighting of a man who looked like Gerry McCann come into your, "solid theory"? No one seems to have come forward to say it was him carrying a child. So, will your theory of everything include an explanation? I can hardly wait.

Madeleine McCann: “One and one has to make two. Until the answer is found he will not give up.”

Sofia Leal, wife of Gonçalo Amaral, the Portuguese police officer who led the investigation into Madeleine McCann's disappearance, was interviewed by the Sunday Express

“Goncalo loves me and our three girls very much but he lives for his job. For him an investigation is like a mathematical equation.

“One and one has to make two. Until the answer is found he will not give up.” From the proceeds of the book her husband has bought a Jaguar car but she insists he has not made a lot of money and that he will defend the legal action.

In my world, too, one and one has to make two. It usually does. It doesn't make 11 and it's not usually binary and make 10. It makes 2. In other words, the evidence has to make sense. It has to form a coherent whole so that the pieces of the puzzle fall into place and the truth comes to light.

When I spoke to my daughter on the phone this morning, she told me that her little boy was in the guest bedroom with his father, playing with his "baby," toys that have been stored there, getting out and joyfully piecing together the puzzles he had fun with. Now, it's a reasonable assumption that the pieces of J's puzzles are exactly the same now as they were a year ago and that they fit together, just as they did then, and they make the same picture. I also assume that no one has changed the pieces for others that don't fit, added extra pieces of changed the picture.

Gonçalo, in his book, "The Truth Of The Lie," talks about how, in an investigation, the evidence and the clues, are the pieces of the puzzle that show the whole picture and illuminate the truth. But, since there were so many inconsistencies and contradictions in witness statements, it must have been like looking at many different pictures for the same puzzle or perhaps many puzzles mixed together with no picture. Jane Tanner's statements, for example: the abductor went that way; the abductor went this-a-way; the abductor was this height; the abductor was that height etc etc., even as far as...the abductor may have been a woman, dressed as a man.

IT WAS THE LONE STRANGER.....

Madeleine McCann, "..is in a secret lair," David Edgar is quoted as believing, by The Independent

"He still feels Maddie was snatched by a man spotted by the McCanns’ friend Jane Tanner, one of the so-called ‘Tapas Seven’ who dined with them the night Maddie went missing.

Dave said: “Jane is a very reliable witness and there were other sightings of this man, who Jane saw carrying a little girl in a blanket, in the days leading up to the disappearance.”

He feels this is the lone prowler who has Maddie stashed in a cellar or dungeon in the lawless villages around Praia da Luz."

.........OR MAYBE IT WASN'T!!

Donal MacIntyre has a reputation, at least according to the Sunday Express for being, "fearless and courageous." Apparently, he takes on, "dangerous stories." !!

Also in the Sunday Express on the same date as the above, (September 20th 2009) Donal MacIntyre fearlessly expounds his theory about how Madeleine McCann was abducted. "I know how she was taken," he says.

Right! So, how was it?

"MADELEINE McCann was abducted by at least two kidnappers who must have carried out several dry runs in the days leading up to her disappearance.

After spending a week on the ground investigating the case and the methods used by the kidnappers, I can only conclude that they must have entered the apartment to carry out a rehearsal, because they were working to an incred­ibly tight schedule.

The three-minute time frame they allowed themselves left no margin for error."

So, returning to the puzzle analogy, if you can't make the pieces fit the puzzle, change their shape and/or hammer them into place! It has been shown that it would have been close to impossible for an abductor to have climbed through Madeleine's bedroom window, carrying a child. So, there must have been at least two abductors! And the very tight window of opportunity? Well, they must have been watching and must have been in the apartment before, carrying out a rehearsal.

Now, that's not fearless, Donal, if you have absolutely no fear of being ridiculed by real journalists. And it's not exactly courageous either, making up details to fit what you want to believe are facts.

LOW COPY NUMBER (DNA ANALYSIS) IS NOT USEFUL IN THIS CASE....

After the release of the police files on the Madeleine McCann investigation, the Liverpool Echo ran an article on the subject of the LCN analyses of samples lifted from the McCanns' holiday apartment and their car which they hired some time after Madeleine's disappearance.

"Mr Lowe, from the major incidents team at the Birmingham-based Forensic Science Service (FSS), said it was impossible to conclude whether a sample from the McCanns’ hire car came from their daughter Madeleine."

Eddie (Enhanced Victim Recovery Dog) and Keela (Crime Scene Investigation dog) both alerted independently on the same spots in the apartment and in the vehicle and the first report from Forensic Science Services appeared to conclude that with 15 out of 19 genetic markers coinciding with Madeleine's DNA profile, there was a good chance of the samples being from Madeleine's body. Somehow, though, a follow-up report came to a different conclusion: it wasn't possible to conclude that the sample in the hire car came from Madeleine.

So, with the above, we have two specialist dogs alerting to the odours they have been specifically trained to find and from the places indicated by the dogs, there are samples: microscopic, but samples that are at least recognised as bodily fluids.

OR MAYBE IT IS......

Well, slap my thigh, knock me down and call me Jeffrey! Dave Edgar, the ex-cop, turned private detective hired by the McCanns, thinks that LCN DNA analysis could, "help find the kidnapper."

Seems like Sunday September 20th was a busy day for the Maddie case in the news. In The Belfast Telegraph

"He claimed if Low Copy Number (LCN) DNA testing had been carried out at the Ocean Club resort in Praia da Luz, where Maddie vanished from two years and four months ago, it is “highly likely” her abductor would have been nailed."

Right Dave! And what samples would they have used for this testing? There were no fingerprints, or glove prints, no fibres, no hairs, no foot prints: basically no evidence left behind by the alleged abductor. So, what would they have tested? Where would they have lifted the samples from?

Dave, LCN testing was used in the apartment, on the only places where both specialist dogs alerted.

"Dave said: “It’s an amazingly powerful tool, so it’s a real shame we will never get to use it with Maddie.”

Dave, where have you been all this time? Didn't Clarence or the McCanns tell you that this, "amazingly powerful tool," had been used with Maddie? It was used, Dave, and in situations where there was a good chance that it would provide meaningful results. While DNA can be extracted from sweat left with fingerprints and on surfaces the perp has touched, the only fingerprints found on Madeleine's bedroom window were Kate McCann's.

But hang on a minute, Dave, you didnt' say that the tests should have been carried out in the apartment, or at least, not in what you are quoted as saying: you said, "..at the Ocean Club resort in Praia da Luz." So, whereabouts at the Ocean Club? Everywhere? All over the whole spread-out area that constitutes the resort? Just in places where the McCanns, their children and their friends might have been?

Dave, go talk to the McCanns and Clarence about LCN in Maddie's case, because they may not be too pleased about your referring to this, "powerful tool," that could help find the kidnapper. Didn't you know, Dave, they found a few cases where LCN evidence was thrown out by a judge, as proof of its lack of reliability. So, maybe they're not too keen on its use.

"But the former RUC detective sergeant’s team will never be able to use it as Portuguese authorities will not give him access to forensic information."

Now, Dave, when you were a real police officer, rather than a pretendy one, advising those you identified as suspects that they should be interviewed by you in order to clear their name (Hewlett?) would you have handed over forensic information to a private detective? Somehow I doubt it, or at least I do hope that real police officers would not do this.

Madeleine McCann, "is in a secret lair."

The Belfast Telegraph Sunday September 13th

"The Ulster detective leading the search for Madeleine McCann today reveals his most chilling theories yet, exclusively to Sunday Life. Hardened ex-RUC cop Dave Edgar told us he is convinced that little Maddie is imprisoned in a hellish lair – just like kidnapped sex slave Jaycee Lee Dugard."

Right! And just what makes you think that, then, Dave?

"He insisted the “back from the dead” reappearance of Jaycee – and the cases of Austrian cellar girls Elisabeth Fritzl and Natascha Kampusch – confirmed his suspicion."

Ok, Dave, so, in spite of the fact that most missing children have been abducted by a parent or a close relative, we have here three cases of children who turned up years after being abducted. I see. And, wait a minute, there's more!

"There was further backing for his theory when American boy Ricky Chekevdia was found hiding with his mother in a tiny “secret room” two years after he was kidnapped while caught in a custody battle."

Dave, every week people are winning the lottery. This confirms my belief that I am definitely going to win it! This idea is as plausible as your suspicions being confirmed, based on a handful of cases in the past 18 years since Jaycee Lee Dugard went missing.

Dave, I wonder what your ex-colleagues in the police would think. A few children out of the hundreds of thousands who have gone missing over the past few years have turned up, having been hidden away in seclusion, and this confirms your suspicions that Madeleine must be in a cellar somewhere?

What about the many, many children who were reported as having been abducted, and who were actually killed or sometimes, hidden, by parents or someone close to the family? Does that tell you something? Not raise your suspicions? Little Marina Sabatier, for example, reported missing, killed by her parents. And Shannon Matthews, reported missing, and found to have been hidden by a relative. Hang on, though, Dave, one of those children you have mentioned, Ricky Chekevdia, was actually found hiding with his mother. So, maybe we can count him out when we are talking about children being hidden in secret lairs!

Dave, you'd be the laughing stock of any police force if you came out with that kind of theory. Hang on, guys, my suspicions are confirmed about this case because three out of hundreds of thousands of kids have been found years later.

"And despite fresh leads taking his probe to Australia and Barcelona,"

Barcelona, Dave, the case where, according to the Daily Mail, your investigators:

• Failed to speak to anyone working at the seafood restaurant near where the agitated woman was seen at 2am.

• Failed to ask the port authority about movement of boats around the time Madeleine disappeared.

• Failed to ask if the mystery woman had been filmed on CCTV.

• Knew nothing about the arrival of an Australian luxury yacht just after Madeleine vanished until told by British journalists, who gave them the captain’s mobile phone number.
  

• Failed to interview anyone at a nearby dockside bar where, according to Mr Edgar, the mystery woman was later seen drinking.

• Failed to ask British diplomats in Spain for advice before or during the visit.

Well, I can see that you carry out rigorous investigations, Dave, from that desk of yours in Knutsford, Cheshire!

Right! Back to this secret lair, which you say is, "...just 10 miles from where she was snatched in Praia da Luz two years ago." Now, you don't actually tell us why you think that, but could it be because of what you believe about the area?

"Dave said: “Jane is a very reliable witness and there were other sightings of this man, who Jane saw carrying a little girl in a blanket, in the days leading up to the disappearance.”

He feels this is the lone prowler who has Maddie stashed in a cellar or dungeon in the lawless villages around Praia da Luz."

"...lawless villages," Dave? Any chance of your naming these villages so that we can ask the inhabitants what they think about their places of residence being called, "lawless."? The Lone Ranger, I mean the lone prowler, who managed the impossible task of getting Madeleine out of that narrow window in the apartment, is holding Madeleine in a cellar, or even a dungeon, in a lawless village in the wild west, I mean the mountainous regions around Praia da Luz.

And you know this because?

"Dave says the region where he feels Maddie is being held has attracted many strange characters, including convicted sex offenders.

“I don’t want to generalise or make gross exaggerations, but there are people there living on the edges of society,” Dave said."

Dave, why not try Peckham? There's loads of people living on the edge of society there, and probably lots of strange characters.

And finally! Dave, I see that you are chasing up those leads!

"He is now investigating leads on six child sex offenders, 78 other rapists and sex attackers and 22 vagrants."

Nice work, Dave.